What's in a Man?

A few weeks ago, while listening to a Focus on the Family radio broadcast, I was struck by something one of the men spoke into my little ear buds. He claimed this idea: “real masculinity doesn’t conquer and dominate, it protects and defends.” Masculine power, what it means to “be a man”, has been one of those subtle, yet ever nagging things that I’ve been wrestling with throughout my time here in Hungary. Never was this idea of real masculinity, and how it can either help to build a woman up, or tear her down, so brought to my attention, as it was today.

I walked down the hallway, surrounded by 7 little second graders, heading with them, and the English teacher, to go through the indoor quad area, and up to the library where we would have our lesson. As I chatted lightheartedly with one little girl about the furry tiger slippers she was wearing (the kids all have indoor and outdoor shoes), we passed through the doorway into the quad, and my attention was abruptly torn from our “cutesy” conversation, as the sound of shouting rang in my ears. At first I didn’t think much of it, because there are often girls bickering about something, or boys wrestling around, but as the English teacher started yelling at them, I looked up from the little girl by my side, and was shocked by what I saw. There across the room, was a 15 or 16 year old young man, standing over a similarly aged young woman. She was huddled in the fetal position on a bench in a corner. The boy was slapping the cowering girl repeatedly, while she cried out and yelled at him. When we entered the room and the teacher called the boy off, he backed away, but only after giving the girl a full kick to her side. The girl then scrambled off the bench and away from the boy, crying and yelling at him, while he quickly faded back into the crowd with his friends, who were playing ping-pong near by.

Upon hearing all the commotion, another teacher came out of the nearby office, and immediately went to the girl, restraining her, as if she had been assaulting someone. The teacher I was with proceeded to quietly shepherd the second graders up to the library, and away from the troubling scene.

I have no idea what took place to put those two teenagers into that situation, but not once did I see anyone confront the young man about what he had done, nor assign any punishment for his behavior.

On days like today, when I am reminded of the disrespectful view some of the boys hold in regard to girls, and women, it seems almost hopeless for me to really develop strong friendships with those kids, and make a positive impact. Having a total of four male teachers on staff at the school, also adds to the difficulty of proper discipline, and, sadly, many of the boys also lack a good role model of “real masculinity” at home.

I hope that in reading this, your heart and mind are not turned to judge, or to criticize, but that you would be moved with compassion and a newfound encouragement to take action. My hope is that, especially for you men out there, you would have a renewed and reawakened conviction in your responsibility to step up and teach the younger men and boys in your life, what real masculinity is all about. Remember, you are always leading by example for those who look up to you, and you never know who might be following your lead.